About a month ago I prayed that God would reveal to me the parts of my character that need a little polishing up. He has and people it ain’t pretty. I can be so obnoxious and whiny and annoying about the most petty things that to quote Pitbull “are just halfway thoughts, not worth the back of my mind”
I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I have a love of trash television. Not Honey Boo Boo trashy and not Maury Povich trashy but Keeping up with the Kardashians-Real Housewives of New Jersey trashy. Every time I see Kourtney’s latest pregnancy with her baby daddy or the mockery of marriage that was Kim’s 72 day nuptials I tell myself that this is the season I boycott but at the end of the day (or week or whenever the next new episode airs) the Kardashian’s are entertaining in their own debaucherous sort of way. And the Gorga-Giudice (I murdered that spelling I am sure) relationship is a beautiful piece of television to watch if for no other reason than to realize that no matter how crazy my family is we’ve never gotten into a physical altercation at a child’s christening.
As much as I try to separate reality from “reality” sometimes I can’t help but get caught up in the materialism of it all (You could help it if you stopped watching, you say…but I don’t want to stop watching, I retort). I can be the biggest preacher of the “what you watch doesn’t affect your way of thinking” theory but in some ways the things you spend your time doing (and by you I mean me) have to affect the way that you think at least a little. I would love to have a stylist and a personal trainer and a nutritionist and a personal assistant. I want to have multiple children and have abdominal muscles as if I have had none. I want to fly to Miami and live in a condo and rent a Porsche SUV for a couple of months…that’s doable on a nurse’s salary right?
I was lamenting my sad lot in life yesterday (stupid school, stupid flabby lower abdominals, stupid high fuel prices) as I was moping through the mall (because I had extra time after my pedicure…I am so sad) sipping my tall skinny mocha latte (a present to myself for not eating the Pretzel Twister I really wanted…I am so delusional) depressed because I couldn’t buy new work clothes from Banana Republic…you know for the corporate job I don’t have. When all of a sudden it dawned on me…Kim Kardashian is probably not following the Total Money Makeover plan. So she has a Bentley and a ginormous house and more clothes than most of the people I know put together…I have a nice car, I have clothes for myself and my husband and my child, we live in a comfortable home and have plenty (excessive amounts if you talk to my waistline) of delicious food to consume. I don’t need resort wear because news flash – I’m not taking any exotic vacations anytime soon. It really is mortifying when I think of how shallow I can be at times. I am the winner of the first world problems award and its not a mirror-ball trophy. It’s a big pile of grow up and stop being so selfish and silly because 90% of the world has harder problems than you do so stop focusing on yourself and start helping others.
So since the Lord has been so kind as to reveal the many, many, MANY flaws that I have I am now trusting in his wisdom to get me where he wants me to go and mold me into the person he wants me to be.