Tuesday, June 2, 2015

My Hero


Hi there! I know, I know I am woefully behind with blogging but we’ve been busy and I am tired so it kind of gets pushed to the side sometimes. I am popping in to tell a story that I think is too funny not to share.

I have a MAJOR FEAR of lizards. As in, heart hurting, can’t breathe, high anxiety, dare I say phobia of lizards. In my mind I know that this fear is irrational because lizards are smaller than me and they cannot hurt me BUT they are slimy and squishy and squirmy and their beady little eyes follow me as if at any point they are going to jump on me and kill me dead.

I generally manage to avoid lizards in my every day life but I do live in Florida which is a glorified swamp so from time to time the little slimy devils do try to cause me to die. This past week there has been one dark, menacing little monster who has been toying with my emotions. Last Tuesday he decided to park himself (herself) on the jogging stroller when I was trying to take the car seat out to the car. This created a 15 minute conundrum of how to get the car seat off of the stroller without shaking the stroller and possibly causing the lizard to (God forbid) run on to the car seat and thus kill me dead. Use a broom you say, swat that lizard you say. Good idea kind friend, except that in my (crazy) mind I see me swatting the lizard with the broom only to have the lizard run up the broom and kill me dead. You understand my problem right?

So imagine my absolute terror when I discovered the same (place a couple expletives here) lizard had somehow found his (her) way into my bedroom and onto my (expletive expletive) bed this morning! I cannot even allow myself to think of what piece of clothing he (she) could’ve hitched a ride on but let me tell you it is the LAST time I hang dry my sports bras outside! So I did what any rational woman would do, I slammed the bedroom door, ran around to the other side, opened the back door and then called my husband.

You read that right. I called my husband who was already at work and preparing for clients and begged and cried and pleaded for him to come home and kill this lizard who had made it his (her) mission to taunt me. I’m not going to say that his response was the most gentlemanly choice of words ever in the English language and I may have had a fleeting thought that he would’ve liked to take a whack at me with the broom BUT my wonderful, masculine, strong, brave father of my children husband drove home and defeated the giant beast with his own two hands! I knew I married him for a reason (joking…lots of reasons).

And this is why, my husband, Benjamin Brooks Colson, will forever be my hero.

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